Baby Chip was supposed to be born March 3rd 2020. Today is her due date.

She would have been born a Pisces. A perfect mix of selfless, kind, positive and gentle, much like her dad. She would have imaginative, sensitive and intuitive, just like her mumma too. She would have been a sweet little baby, with bright eyes and a beautiful soul.

Today, we added things to our angel’s memory/ keepsake box. Items we wish we could share with her earth side.

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Today, we purchased plants to watch grow and look after, the same way we would have after bringing home our daughter.

Today, we contemplate what life would have looked like for us. How the face of grief and heartache would have never been a vision in our minds.

Today, we should have heard her cries but instead all we hear are our own. No happiness, no smiles, no blissful moments, no earth side baby to hold and love.

We like to believe she’s a star, showing us every night she’s still here, twinkling down at us. Maybe she’s up there, watching us and waiting for the day we get to join her.

Wherever it is, we hope that it’s beautiful and that her soul is at peace.

We find comfort in knowing she never felt the pain or heartache of this cruel world. I know I would take all of the pain in the world to ensure that.

I wish we could have met her, I wish she had more time on this earth than the 8 weeks she got. I wish we had more time to know her, hold her and be blessed by her existence. I wish she could have stayed.

We do live our life differently since loosing her. Our bad days look very different, and sometimes, the bed is the only place we can find the time to let it all out. Sometimes we cry, and sometimes we smile. We are forever grateful to be parents to our beautiful baby, but we are forever tormented by the fact we never got to keep her.

There is no lessons from this. There is no big “aha” moments, or reasons why.

We lost our baby. We now live without the one person we had planned our future around.

The pain doesn’t get any easier. It never dulls it’s strength or leaves but we have found ways to honour her legacy and life; the parts we were able to experience with her and the parts we never will. We hope we are doing enough. We hope she sees and feels our love, wherever she may be.

We’ll see you in the skies, Baby Chip. 🐝👼🏼

-Candace

Wife, Mother of Baby Chip, still a hopeful universe believer.